Bill Murray and My 'Baby Steps'

If you've seen Bill Murray in "What About Bob," then you remember that he was an obsessive-compulsive who as part of his therapy, repeated "baby steps" to himself to allow him to function.

This has been a baby steps week for me. I've had no peace for days, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat.

My great question is "Can I trust you?"

I wrote this to a friend earlier, but it came out before I realized what I was saying.

So pray for me that I will trust him whom I say I believe? I walk around repeating, "I trust You," hoping that the hurt will break and that the statement be true. I'm like a man on a falling platform, clutching the platform and hoping it will hold. I know I can't fault or question him and that he controls everything with perfect wisdom and love, but sleep comes hard and my worries choke me.

Just to get to sleep last night, I reminded myself of all the ways that the Psalmist says he's seen God's goodness. To get myself through this morning, my journal looked like this.

I trust You; I can trust You; I will trust You. You delivered us out of great storms, calmed the sea and routed enemies in battle, brought the dead to life and new life to barren wombs. I trust You. . . . You made axeheads float and supplied food by ravens, and turned water to wine, rivers to blood, fashioned everything from nothing. You are sovereign. I trust You.

Now, I say,

You made this blind man see, this dead man live, this enemy a son. I trust You.